This was our meditation yesterday:

A person will worship something,

have no doubt about that.

We may think our tribute is paid in secret

in the dark recesses of our hearts,

but it will out.

That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts

will determine our lives, and our character.

Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship,

for what we are worshipping we are becoming.

Writing about today's meditation made me remember a meditation from the first service Rae and I attended at Eliot Chapel this spring.  It was the poem "Connections Are Made Slowly" by Marge Piercy (also called "The Seven of Pentacles").  On a day when I was wide open to possibilities, wondering if somehow the religious might help me reconnect to the spiritual, it clearly was a sign of sorts.  It was the meditation - the sanctuary was quiet except for Reverend Daniel's voice, so quiet that all of the little noises of the congregants were amplified and yet not intrusive, somehow a part of the reading.  It had been ages since I could recall sitting quietly and just listening; and the words were pouring through me, not in one ear and out the other, not without force, not without leaving their mark; they were pouring through me and finding and filing spaces I had all but forgotten about.  It was exactly what I needed to hear at exactly that moment.  In the long silence that followed the meditation, my mind kept grabbing at words, and feelings evoked, at the strands of my inner being I had all but forgotten about.  It was the first step towards making (remaking) connections - and it felt good.

The meditation today at church was "The Peace of Autumn" by Rabindranath Tagore, a Bengali poet.  It really resonated with me, capturing what was a beautiful autumn day - sunny, crisp this morning, warmer throughout the day such that in the sun I didn't need a jacket; I could hear people working in their yards, kids playing, smell dried leaves burning in the afternoon and smell wood fires at night; with night air cool and heavy, holding in the sound of the distant train whistle such that it sounds like it's just down the road.

It's been an interesting few months in the spiritual journey.  You might recall my talk with M a few months ago about Patches and death and what happens when you die.  Since then there have been a few other conversations where we've talked about God, and she still remembers Patches and sometimes mentions her.  She hasn't asked directly about God yet, so haven't had to have that discussion.  She just seems to accept him on faith.

Then sometime after the death talk, we got this article in our Parent Center e-mail - How to Raise a Spiritual Child.  A really interesting article, and came at just the right time for Rae and I as we were starting to talk about whether or not we wanted to start going to church.  We realized that while there are things we can do to start cultivating M's spirituality, we also felt that a community of like-minded seekers would also help.  So, we started bringing up the idea of going to church, and tossed it around with more and more frequency.

Since December, as I mentioned above, God has come up a few times in our conversations.  I can't remember the specifics right now, but it was cute.  God was talked about just as if there was no question who he is and what he is doing in our lives.  As recently as a couple weekends ago, when we were in Cedar Rapids for Benjamin's baptism, I commented to M that she didn't have little baby toes any more and she replied, "That's because God gave me big girl toes."  I said, "You know, God gave you cute little baby toes first."  To which, "But he gave me big girl toes now."  It was so cute.

So I mentioned my nephew Benjamin's baptism a couple weeks ago.  I was honored that Ken and Jen asked me to be his Godpapa (Jen's sister, Jess, was his Godmother) and we were excited to go up to CR and celebrate the weekend.  I wanted to get him something special for his big day, something that would really typify my wish for him and nurturing of his spirituality.  I found this book at B&N and thought it did so perfectly.  As the description says:

A gentle prayer expressing thanks - and asking for help in passing life's blessings along. A perfect thank-you gift!
Dear God . . .
Thank you
for my friends.
Help me to comfort
those who are lonely.
What does it mean to be grateful and kind? Here is a picture book that offers a definition using the best teacher of all: example. With clear, direct language and sunny, exultant illustrations, My Book of Thanks is a universal prayer that shows even the youngest of children they have much to be thankful for - and much to share. Featuring a beautiful new cover design and an unjacketed hardcover format, MY BOOK OF THANKS is the perfect gift for little ones, at Thanksgiving time or anytime.

I loved the book so much that I wanted to get M one, but the only other copy they had had a big gouge on the cover.  So, Ben got his and M's would have to wait.

The next step came last Monday, when my mom (actually my grandma) informed me that my Great Uncle Charles has cancer.  This has sparked some mild, back burner contemplation on my part.  Questions about how faith comforts (or whether or not it does), and how my spiritual beliefs will help me cope with events such as this (as my family ages and faces death).  I don't have any answers yet.  As I said, it's been mosly back burner mulling over, no real hard meditation on the questions just yet, but it did lead me to realize that I am starting to have a definite spiritual belief (even if it is ever evolving) and that I should try and understand it better so that I can helpl impart the foundation to M.

Then towards the end of the day yesterday, I was visiting the WE and The Divine Miss M started a thread about prayer and communicating with God.  The essence of the question was simple: How do you communicate with God?  While her question presupposes an external, personal, knowable God - one you communicate with - it never the less got me to thinking again about my own faith, my own beliefs, and prayer/meditation.  In the insuing conversation I had with The Divine Miss M, I realized that today was the day that I was going to start a new piece to the bedtime routine.  I called up the B&N that was on the way home from M's school to see if they had the Thanks book, and sure enough they did.  Picked it up on the way home, and told M that we would read the book later that night, before lights out.  Throughout the evening, as time (and M) would allow, Rae and I talked about my idea for the book and the new routine and what I hoped to try and do.  We figured it was a perfect time and all we could do was start and see where it went.

When bedtime rolled around, M hadn't forgotten the book, and was excited to read it with us.  We told her this was going to be a new part of the bedtime routine, that we were going to read this book every night just before lights out.  I started by telling her the name of the book, My Book of Thanks, and that it was a book about all of the things we have to be thankful for.  Before I could continue she said in a definite and proud voice, "I am thankful for my friends."  It wasn't a question, as if to say, "Is this what you're talking about?"  Rather it was confirmation that she fully recognized what I was saying, and seemed to understand the importance of being thankful.  I looked at Rae, and she at me, and we smiled.  I said, "That's wonderful, sweetie, is there anything else you can think of right now that you're thankful for?"  She said, "I thanked grandma and grandpa for coming up this weekend." (which she did on the phone early that evening)  "That's right, you did.  Well, this book is about all of the things we have to be thankful for, and we'll read it each night to remind us of those things, okay?"

And so we read it.  She loved the pictures, and identified many of the people as "mommy", "papa", "grandma" and "grandpa", and she even identified the little baby in one of the pictures as her "cousin Benjamin".  She listened to my words, and occasionally related them to the pictures.  All in all, it was a good first shot at a new "prayer" routine for bedtime.  It'll be inetersting to see how it goes for a while, and how it might change, how she might adapt it to her needs, and what this might lead to.  I'm very happy that we started this and am excited by the possibilities it opens up.

Finally, this morning, I checked out Eliot Chapel again and looked at their religious education section (Sunday school).  I wanted to get some idea of what they did, how they group the kids and what Sunday school for an almost 3 year old entails.  I even called and spoke to the RE Director, who was a very nice woman who gave me the skinny on everything I would need to know to show up on Sunday and explore what's going on.  It's looking like we might be starting to go to church on a regular basis.  This is going to be interesting.  I told Rae that I wanted to try and find a corner bakery nearby the church so we can make donuts a part of our churchgoing routine *grin* (isn't that how every kid got bribed into going to church when they were little?).