5 posts tagged “kids”

(or, how M never ceases to amaze me)

Tuesday was a gorgeous day and evening, and we'd planned to grill burgers and sweet potato fries.  There was a bit of prep involved, though (I had to make the burger patties and Rae was cutting the sweet potatoes and mixing in the spices) and M, bless her heart, was waiting somewhat patiently in the kitchen for one of us to be finished so we could go outside and play with her (she's been riding her bike and wanting to shoot hoops down at a neighbor's house).  While waiting (and asking, perhaps not quite as often as she could have, when we'd be finished so we could go outside) she got the urge for a snack.  She asked once for a piece of chocolate (we still have chocolate from V-day) and when I said not before dinner she asked for an apple, to which I of course agreed.  When she opened the fridge to get one, she saw a tupperware of sliced red bell peppers that I had left over from something last week (omelets?) and asked if she could have those instead.

Now, I know she likes red bell peppers.  It's one of her favorite things to snack on when we make homemade pizzas.  We know this because we try just about everything with her (like red and yellow onions, garlic, sage sausage and fresh shredded mozzarella when we make pizzas) because she's curious and we want her to know what stuff tastes like before she poo-poos it.  By doing this she's discovered that she really likes raw, fresh cut red bell peppers.

Back to Tuesday.  She changes her mind, asks about the peppers, to which I say, in a rather shocked fashion, Sure, sweetie, if you'd like.  She grabs them, sits right on the floor, opens up the tupperware and begins munching contentedly.  Rae is dumbfounded, and I'm smirking at M as she noms her second slice, and we go back to prepping dinner.  About half way through the tupperware M says, I sure like these red peppers.  By the time Rae and I are finished with our work, M's eaten the entire tupperware full of red bell peppers.  She pops up, actually thanks me for the snack, and she and Rae head out to shoot some hoops.

It just goes to show how much we parents do have a say in the habits our kids form.  Sure, she asked for a piece of chocolate first, when isn't candy the first thing on a kid's mind?  But when told not before dinner, she found another, healthy alternative, and was actually happy for it.

And she got her piece of chocolate as an evening snack - after dinner.

Fancy Nancy at the Museum by Jane O'Connor

 

My review

  rating: 4 of 5 stars
M seems to really enjoy this book, but as a Firs Reader book, it has some pretty difficult words in it.  That's not to say it's not good, it is.  The story is fun, and M likes hearing the big fancy words and the bits of French (merci!) that get sprinkled throughout.  It's a fun read and easy enough to explain the fancy words, I just think she'll learn more of the words in this book through listening and looking at the words and memorizing rather than sounding them out on her own.  Not a bad thing, just a different approach to the First Reader.
 

View all my reviews.

Last night, M and I are out in the front yard playing Chicken Noodle Ball (the name she made up for us playing throw and kick and catch).  She's sitting on the stoop taking a break, watching me throw her purple ball in the air and catch it behind my back, when she says, "Only boys can have guns."

I stop.  (In the movie version I don't catch the ball as it falls, letting it dramatically bounce away from me, silence except for the ball crunching in the grass.)  I look at her and say, "What was that?"

M:  Only boys can shoot guns.  Boys 1, 2 & 3 were chasing each other at freeplay shooting guns.

Me:  What?  Like, real toy guns? (you can imagine my incredulity)  Boys 1, 2 & 3 were playing with toy guns in school? 

M:  Yeah (she holds up her fingers in a gun and shoots "pshew pshew") But then Miss Hoda said that guns were not allowed and took them away.  Miss Hoda and Miss Katie and Miss Gina all said that guns weren't toys and that they were not allowed to play with them.

Me:  That's right, sweetheart, they shouldn't have toy guns at school.  Guns aren't toys.

M:  Yeah, but only the boys get to have guns.

And that was the end of that.  She hopped up and we resumed playing Chicken Noodle Ball, with some Duck-Duck-Goose thrown in for good measure.

This morning I asked Miss Hoda about what M said.  Miss Hoda said, "No no no, they didn't have toy guns, they were just using their fingers.  M was joining them too, chasing them around.  A bunch of kids were doing it, but the three boys initiated it.  I immediately told them no, that playing guns was not allowed at school and they all stopped.  There's too much war in the world, I don't need it in my classroom.  I left Lebanon because of the war, I don't want to see kids bringing it to my classroom."

So it wasn't toy guns, but using their fingers like guns (just as she showed me out in the front yard).  And chasing and shooting each other.  I don't know what M knows about guns, and I suspect that she was really in it for the chase and tag and the follow the leader aspect, not knowing exactly what she was doing with her fingers or what guns really are (I suspect that of all the kids, really).  But I could be wrong, she might very well know.  I should ask her. 

I know kids will be kids, and boys will be boys - and I remember playing army and cops & robbers growing up - but as a parent, in this day and age, this really gives me pause.  It makes me wonder how it is that 3-5 year old kids know about guns, and shooting.  Of course they don't fully understand the implications, and they're just playing out the good guy/bad guy drama that they're starting to understand from fairy books and Disney movies.  I get that it's play, and they're exploring roles and acting them out, but why guns?  And how?  Just, where does it come from at such an early age?

I just had an interesting thought.  You know, if they were acting out bows & arrows or swords, If they were acting out some sort of white knight/black knight scenario, I think I would have less of an issue with it.  That maybe it's the fact that it was guns that bothers me, that it's somehow more real and less imaginary now days than it was back in my childhood.  I don't know, though.  Maybe it is just the violence I'm reacting to.  Guns or swords, it would have still been violence, and killing and death.  I just makes me wonder what kids that age (3-5) think, what they think they're doing, what they think happens when they shoot their finger gun or stab with a finger sword.  Of course it's just play, it's just acting roles, drama, imagination.  They're not thinking about that at all.  I guess that's what parents do - think, wonder, worry.

The final interesting aspect of this is that M thinks guns are only for boys.  I wonder where that came from.  My guess is that she was trying to join in and the other 3 boys told her she couldn't, that it was only a boys game.  If it isn't that, then I wonder what.  Maybe there's just something in her that says guns are a boys purview, and girls aren't really interested in them?

This morning, M and I are in the kitchen, she's feeding Miles while I gather things up to get ready to leave.

Me: *grabs wallet and work ID, and cell phone*
M: Uh oh, Mommy forgot her phone!
Me: No, silly, this is my phone (seeing only one, and Rae was already gone for a meeting)
M: No, silly Papa, that's Mommy's phone.
Me: Okay, kiddo, whatever you say *puts phone in pocket*

Later, after dropping M off at school, I grab the phone to call Rae to remind her of something ... It was Rae's phone. We have identical phones. Yeah. My kid spooks me when she does stuff like that, and it's not all that uncommon.

So, a while back one of my folks' cats died, Patches. M doesn't really remember her. They got Sugar shortly after, as a playmate for Sammy. Back then, I think Rae and I mentioned a couple of times (and only a couple) that they got Sugar because Patches died. Nothing more than that, and not much else was said. Then, just this week, out of the blue, M and Rae were talking about 'grandma and grandpa's kitties' and M says, "Grandpa got Sugar because Patches died, right mom?" Rae says, "That's right, sweetie, Patches died. She had been really sick." Suddenly, M seems to make a connection between dying and being sick. Not a direct link (we don't think), but suddenly, without any real concept of what dying is, but with a clear understanding of what it means to be sick, she suddenly realizes, to some degree, that being sick (which is a bad thing) and dying are related, and dying must be bad.

Then tonight, again out of the blue, she says, "Grandma and grandpa are going home to take care of Sammy and Sugar. And that one who died. What was its name?" So I tell her, then I pull her into my lap and ask her if she knows what it means when something dies. She says no. I say, "Well, sweetie, when something dies, it leaves us, it goes away." To which she asks, "Where does it go?" "I don't really know, sweetie. They just aren't physically with us any more. But they are with us in our hearts and in our memories. Grandma and grandpa really love Patches and have lots of memories of her, so she's still with us even though she's gone." "Oh," she says, and puts her head on my chest.

So yeah, I have no idea if I said the right thing, or what I should have said, or if what I said really made any sense to her or if I was just talking. Knowing M, though, and the way she seems to remember things, some bit of it stuck. And so I wonder if it was a good bit, the right bit, or just what you're supposed to say and how you're supposed to do this.

Rae and I have read stuff in magazines, that you're not supposed to say "Patches went to sleep" or "Patches went on a trip" or things like that, because they kids associate dying with sleeping or taking a trip, and they become scare to sleep, or when mom or dad take a trip, etc. And Rae's comment about Patches being sick, while true, and not really "wrong" in the sense of "sleeping" or "taking a trip" ... it still could have some of the same effect, in that she could associate being sick with dying.

And add to that the fact that both Rae and I have elderly grandparents and other family members, and we could be dealing with other situations of death close to home in the coming years.

So, parents out there, have you talked with your kids about death? When did you do it? What was the circumstances? How did you do it and what did you say? Any thoughts, advice, suggestions, encouragement? I really can't believe I'm thinking about this while M is only 2.5, but there it is. Thoughts?